Saturday, January 26, 2013

Hustle and Bustle

I recently realized something about myself.

I am a city girl.

This was news to me. I have always loved the country. But really, that's mostly where I've lived most of my life. And I loved visiting cities. But it wasn't until I lived there for a long time and then left that I realized that I need the energy of a city to feel really great. Public transportation, the thrill of independence with so many possibilities, millions of people and feeling so insignificant and so important at the same time. The beauty, the culture, the sophistication, the nit and the grit and the dirty. I don't think I'd ever want the hassle of raising a family in the city, but I definitely want to live close enough to a bigger city so that I can go there when I need to, or work there, or take my kids there to feel the internal whoosh that I get when you feel the wind of the metro or feel dwarfed by beautiful tall buildings. I remember people were always so surprised when I told them that I loved Moscow. "But WHY?" Most people were so confused. But not Olga. I told her what I told everyone else: that I loved the Spirit of Moscow, the energy and driving force I felt there. And she agreed with me.

That's what I need. And honestly, just a few more months until I'm back in Moscow for a bit--and also traveling to other great cities like Saint Petersburg, and possibly Prague and Istanbul and Warsaw. And so I guess I can wait. But visiting LA over break and sending one of my best friends off to DC really just makes me want to be there. It doesn't really matter where I go. New York, DC, LA, Chicago, London, Moscow, Berlin, Boston, Edinburgh, Paris, Vienna, Rio, Tokyo, Sydney . . . honestly, at this moment in time it doesn't even have to be a huge city. It just needs to have energy and spirit and a push towards inner discovery. And maybe I'll get there and realize that this city doesn't have quite what I'm looking for, and in that case I'll go to another one. But that city wonder is something that Provo just isn't making happen right now (or ever). Even though it might be trying to imitate a city with the amount of pollution in the air.

One day, one day soon. I'll go home to a city.
Is this too much to ask for?

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