I don't understand how people can't love. It's just so foreign to me. I suppose there are people I haven't gotten along with the best. But everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone IS a child of God, everyone is loved by Him, and should be loved by us. We're all connected, all part of the same experience, all together. Even if we think others don't know what we go through or are so drastically different from us and our points of views. We are all human. And shouldn't that be enough to love?
I think that sometimes people are afraid to love. Afraid that when they love, those people will abandon them. Afraid that if they show their love for others, they won't be strong. But strength is showing and expressing love. Strength is also letting others love you, accepting their help and friendship and love. Strength is hoping and knowing and accepting that people love you because you love others, and praying for the strength to continue loving everyone around you.
I didn't use to understand how you could love those people you don't know. I loved my family, my close friends. But soon, love got complicated, but not in a bad way.
Love expanded. Soon I loved even those who hurt me, because I knew that they were simply trying to live their lives. I loved those I spent great, epic experiences with, because somethings like hiking Styhead Pass in the fog or living in an auditorium for a week together or squeezing into a shower playing Sardines or having a great conversation until 2 a.m...experiences like that happen every day and braid the different colored threads of our lives together and there's no way not to love someone you laugh and cry and almost die with. I loved those I was only acquainted with, because their awesomeness exuded out of their eyes and their hair and their toes and their bellybuttons and every little piece of them. And the more I loved, the more I connected with people. And the more I connected with people, the more I loved. Love comes through practice, but after a while, it doesn't take any work at all. Love comes through prayer, and the Spirit. How else could I look around during Devotionals and be in awe of the beautiful, wonderful people I'm surrounded by and love them? How else could I love God's children I haven't even met and want to take them the gospel because I love them and haven't even met them? How else could I want to rush up and give someone I don't even know a hug when I hear their name as I'm doing their work in the temple? How else could I feel the love of people I barely even know when I first meet them--a love so strong that I feel like we're best friends, and I've known them for only 5 minutes? I can't do this by myself. But we're all programmed to love. And the Spirit enhances it, and helps us along to the happiness that comes just because, even if you don't know someone that well, or you don't even know their name.
Love just happens. There's no way to explain it, besides God. Love is crying when you leave your best mate for college, and then crying as you leave college to go back home. Love is deciding to go once more around the block because you're not done talking yet. Love is not judging, either for serious things or stupid, inconsequential things. Love is laughing your head off and having dance parties. Love is teaching the gospel. Love is holding hands and hugs and sunshine even when it's cloudy. Love is happy.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Izzy
People like me to dedicate blog posts to them. This one is for AMANDA!
I like her. She's sitting next to me in the No-Shh Zone right now (I am refusing to call it the NOSH, something that I'd never heard before this semester, but keeps trying to pull me in). We like to party. We laugh together, we cry together, and are basically some of the bestest friends you will ever find. She's pretty cool like that.
I like her. She's sitting next to me in the No-Shh Zone right now (I am refusing to call it the NOSH, something that I'd never heard before this semester, but keeps trying to pull me in). We like to party. We laugh together, we cry together, and are basically some of the bestest friends you will ever find. She's pretty cool like that.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Long Thoughts
About once a month, my turn rolls around to teach in Relief Society at church. I love the Sundays that I get to teach. Today was one of them.
Before the lesson started, when all the beautiful ladies were filing in from various Sunday School classes, some of my neighbors found out I was teaching. And then proceeded to tell me how excited they were because I was their favorite teacher. (Very unrelated side note: I felt a very strong urge to spell favorite the British way with a u just now: favourite...Anyway) I was--and still am--so touched. Just the thought that I am able to successfully convey my thoughts and, more importantly, the principles of the gospel and the Spirit to the wonderful girls in my ward is amazing. They teach me every Sunday with their comments so much more than I could ever hope to teach them, and yet somehow, I do.
But do you realize how terrifying that is? Although it was very flattering and humbling to have these girls I admire tell me how much they enjoy my lessons, it absolutely terrifies me. The sheer responsibility of my calling just hit me. Although the ladies in my ward already have strong testimonies of the Restored Church, I teach them the gospel of Jesus Christ. I testify of its truthfulness. My preparation, or lack thereof, can either make or break the Spirit in the meeting. It is my responsibility to be the instrument of the Lord, to convey the words and principles He wants His daughters to know to them. It is such a daunting task, but then I say a prayer in my heart that I can teach how and what He wants me to, and the opening prayer asks for a blessing upon the instructor and I know that even though she doesn't know me, she's going to have her heart open and be listening and that both of our prayers will be answered and I will have help.
When I teach, it's not me speaking. I think the closest I've ever been to the Spirit is when I'm giving my lessons. Preparing, I cover everything, learn so much. But teaching, I just jump-start the discussion and keep it on track, letting the comments, and the Spirit take the lesson where they will. I've noticed the same pattern in each lesson I've given. I'm fine, then I get nervous, start the lesson and the first ten minutes drag. I am so worried I won't be able to fill up the time, that I won't be able to bring the Spirit. Then girls start making comments and the lesson starts to flow and my order gets all jumbled, but that's what I was expecting, and I can actually figure out how all these different pieces I pulled are all going to tie together, and the Spirit leads. I don't remember what I said, because it wasn't me. I am not the teacher when I teach. I am the student. I learn from the comments given, by the overwhelming Spirit that guides my thoughts and my words for those 30 minutes. And all of a sudden, I look up at the clock, and I only have 5 minutes left, and I just want to stay there, sharing my testimony and listening to my girls share theirs, all learning and growing and being edified, not because of the lesson I have prepared, but because of our Heavenly Father's lesson that by some miracle I have the honor, joy and responsibility to be the mouthpiece for.
While preparing the lesson I gave today and looking back on how it went and the previous lessons "I've" given, the other thoughts that have been weighing on my mind all clicked together. I love teaching and I know that I have been blessed with the ability to communicate and be a good teacher, especially in the gospel, and especially as I make good choices in my life. But that doesn't mean that I don't need the practice of teaching God's message to His children. And it most certainly does mean that I need to use those talents and live up to that completely daunting and overwhelming potential and responsibility I have, because EVERY SINGLE ONE of our Heavenly Father's children needs the gospel. They need to hear it and feel of His love for them. And while thinking upon all these things, I realized that the reason I am a Relief Society teacher this year, no matter how inadequate I feel--especially because of how inadequate I feel, is to help prepare me for my mission.
I think most of the people who read this blog know that I'm planning on serving a mission. Well, it's getting closer. And it's becoming more official. I've picked an availability date, which means I figured out when I can put my papers in, and when I should start working on them. I'll have my call beginning/middle of October. Considering that I've already signed a contract for next Fall (and put my name on the "sell" list for the Winter half), October doesn't seem too far away. Within the next year, I should be wearing one of these that says "Sister Ashby":
And doing this:
I am so excited and so scared to death (but mostly excited) and I can't wait. And although I feel like I am the least qualified and eloquent and adequate person to be sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the world, I know that He will be with me, helping me, giving me the power of His Spirit. And I know that He is helping to prepare me now, with the abilities, knowledge, confidence, and love that I will need to bring His truth to the rest of God's children.
Before the lesson started, when all the beautiful ladies were filing in from various Sunday School classes, some of my neighbors found out I was teaching. And then proceeded to tell me how excited they were because I was their favorite teacher. (Very unrelated side note: I felt a very strong urge to spell favorite the British way with a u just now: favourite...Anyway) I was--and still am--so touched. Just the thought that I am able to successfully convey my thoughts and, more importantly, the principles of the gospel and the Spirit to the wonderful girls in my ward is amazing. They teach me every Sunday with their comments so much more than I could ever hope to teach them, and yet somehow, I do.
But do you realize how terrifying that is? Although it was very flattering and humbling to have these girls I admire tell me how much they enjoy my lessons, it absolutely terrifies me. The sheer responsibility of my calling just hit me. Although the ladies in my ward already have strong testimonies of the Restored Church, I teach them the gospel of Jesus Christ. I testify of its truthfulness. My preparation, or lack thereof, can either make or break the Spirit in the meeting. It is my responsibility to be the instrument of the Lord, to convey the words and principles He wants His daughters to know to them. It is such a daunting task, but then I say a prayer in my heart that I can teach how and what He wants me to, and the opening prayer asks for a blessing upon the instructor and I know that even though she doesn't know me, she's going to have her heart open and be listening and that both of our prayers will be answered and I will have help.
When I teach, it's not me speaking. I think the closest I've ever been to the Spirit is when I'm giving my lessons. Preparing, I cover everything, learn so much. But teaching, I just jump-start the discussion and keep it on track, letting the comments, and the Spirit take the lesson where they will. I've noticed the same pattern in each lesson I've given. I'm fine, then I get nervous, start the lesson and the first ten minutes drag. I am so worried I won't be able to fill up the time, that I won't be able to bring the Spirit. Then girls start making comments and the lesson starts to flow and my order gets all jumbled, but that's what I was expecting, and I can actually figure out how all these different pieces I pulled are all going to tie together, and the Spirit leads. I don't remember what I said, because it wasn't me. I am not the teacher when I teach. I am the student. I learn from the comments given, by the overwhelming Spirit that guides my thoughts and my words for those 30 minutes. And all of a sudden, I look up at the clock, and I only have 5 minutes left, and I just want to stay there, sharing my testimony and listening to my girls share theirs, all learning and growing and being edified, not because of the lesson I have prepared, but because of our Heavenly Father's lesson that by some miracle I have the honor, joy and responsibility to be the mouthpiece for.
While preparing the lesson I gave today and looking back on how it went and the previous lessons "I've" given, the other thoughts that have been weighing on my mind all clicked together. I love teaching and I know that I have been blessed with the ability to communicate and be a good teacher, especially in the gospel, and especially as I make good choices in my life. But that doesn't mean that I don't need the practice of teaching God's message to His children. And it most certainly does mean that I need to use those talents and live up to that completely daunting and overwhelming potential and responsibility I have, because EVERY SINGLE ONE of our Heavenly Father's children needs the gospel. They need to hear it and feel of His love for them. And while thinking upon all these things, I realized that the reason I am a Relief Society teacher this year, no matter how inadequate I feel--especially because of how inadequate I feel, is to help prepare me for my mission.
I think most of the people who read this blog know that I'm planning on serving a mission. Well, it's getting closer. And it's becoming more official. I've picked an availability date, which means I figured out when I can put my papers in, and when I should start working on them. I'll have my call beginning/middle of October. Considering that I've already signed a contract for next Fall (and put my name on the "sell" list for the Winter half), October doesn't seem too far away. Within the next year, I should be wearing one of these that says "Sister Ashby":
And doing this:I am so excited and so scared to death (but mostly excited) and I can't wait. And although I feel like I am the least qualified and eloquent and adequate person to be sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the world, I know that He will be with me, helping me, giving me the power of His Spirit. And I know that He is helping to prepare me now, with the abilities, knowledge, confidence, and love that I will need to bring His truth to the rest of God's children.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Red
Tracy and I are both obsessed with blogger. So I told her I would dedicate a post to her. So, my dear, here's to you.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Happy
This is my brother. His name is Matt and he is coming to BYU this Fall with me before I leave on my mission. He is a genius. As in, his AP Physics teacher put together a mock AP test for their final last semester. 116/180 = 5. He got a 175. Yeah. That's my brother. He's also in Jive and Chambers and is one of my best friends. I hope I'm one of his. I taught him everything he knows. Except physics. I don't know that stuff. But he's awesome and I am SO excited he's coming here and we'll get to have good times together. Definitely worth postponing my mission 4 months for. (And yes, I know I'm not supposed to end sentences with prepositions) :)Also, I may or may not be slightly in love with a certain member of Vocal Point who I may or may not have actually never met in real life.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The First
My first best friend to leave on a mission got back last Friday, the 5th. I got to see him for the first time in 2 years on Saturday. And then again (twice) on Sunday. And then again Monday. Each time, but especially the first, felt something like this:
I have missed that boy so much. He's like my brother and the closer it got to seeing him, the more excited I got and the more I realized exactly how much I have missed him. :) But now he's back. And in 3 months, my very best friend in the entire world gets home and it will be the above picture times a million. And tomorrow I get to see Jen for the first time in two months and for the last time in a very long time before she leaves on her mission to Berlin. It's moments like this--old friends, best friends, hugs, returns, departures, love--that make life worth living.
I have missed that boy so much. He's like my brother and the closer it got to seeing him, the more excited I got and the more I realized exactly how much I have missed him. :) But now he's back. And in 3 months, my very best friend in the entire world gets home and it will be the above picture times a million. And tomorrow I get to see Jen for the first time in two months and for the last time in a very long time before she leaves on her mission to Berlin. It's moments like this--old friends, best friends, hugs, returns, departures, love--that make life worth living.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
-What has been your favorite project in your work history?
I have been working up at the Humanities Ref Desk for just over a month now. It's starting to feel good; I'm starting to get the hang of things. But seeing this question made me think of the good times I've been having doing my training book. Okay, okay, some of it is boring. REALLY BORING. But I've also had adventures.
For example.
Right now I'm working on the subject guides. We have to find ones compiled by our humanities librarians, pick two, and then pick two books off of the guides we pick and write annotations on them. Sounds kind of dry. EXCEPT! our floor has AWESOME reference books that make all your wildest dreams come true. There's a Shakespeare encyclopedia that is fabulous. There is a DISNEY encyclopedia. (Both of these I spent at least an hour looking at...) There's awesome art books, and awesome language books (and online resources. This is one of my new favorite sites). There's even a American Cartoon encylcopedia, which lists ALL the cartoons ever put on TV in the US of A EVER. I am deeply indebted to this encyclopeida, because yesterday it helped me discover the name of a show I used to watch every morning before school called...wait for it...PRINCESS GWENEVERE AND THE JEWEL RIDERS. Yes. I seem to be the only one who has ever watched this show, as I couldn't remember the name and no one I've ever talked to has ever remembered it. But now I know.
(coucoucircus.org)
So. Subject Guides = favorite work project ever. Partially because of the tv-show finding. Mostly because I just want to sit around and read all the reference books on the 5th floor. Yeah, I know. I'm a nerd.
For example.
Right now I'm working on the subject guides. We have to find ones compiled by our humanities librarians, pick two, and then pick two books off of the guides we pick and write annotations on them. Sounds kind of dry. EXCEPT! our floor has AWESOME reference books that make all your wildest dreams come true. There's a Shakespeare encyclopedia that is fabulous. There is a DISNEY encyclopedia. (Both of these I spent at least an hour looking at...) There's awesome art books, and awesome language books (and online resources. This is one of my new favorite sites). There's even a American Cartoon encylcopedia, which lists ALL the cartoons ever put on TV in the US of A EVER. I am deeply indebted to this encyclopeida, because yesterday it helped me discover the name of a show I used to watch every morning before school called...wait for it...PRINCESS GWENEVERE AND THE JEWEL RIDERS. Yes. I seem to be the only one who has ever watched this show, as I couldn't remember the name and no one I've ever talked to has ever remembered it. But now I know.
(coucoucircus.org)
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