Monday, November 8, 2010

I Should Have Used the Other Door!

3/4s of Mwah Fafloogah
Here's something that harks back to the good ol' days of Girl's Camp 2007, where Lindsey and I ruled the world as graduated seniors and third-year YCLS, and we hung out with Julie Bastian and Chip and Kristine, and our "destinies" were based on initials/YW leader's sons and things were funnier with twinkies on our heads and no one wanted to be Coriander seed and everything was Harry Potter and no one got any sleep (which explains quite a bit of what you're about to read). Please excuse any blatant errors. This is copied and pasted many times removed, and I fixed most of them I could see. And now, I present to you a story of silliness, by the best-selling authors of "Larry Snotter and the Goblet of Coffee" . . . 

Oozing Spleeniness
by Mwah Fafloogah
The two men were scaling the wall to the abyss. They were both nursing their injuries from the fall. One man had a severed lip. The other man had a severed spleen and was oozing spleen spleeniness all over his pants. "What does your spleen do anyway?" said the man trying to lighten the mood. "I'm not a doctor." the man snapped. "It does what it's supposed to I guess." Silence fell between them as they continued their acsent upwards. All of a sudden a flying monkey, that looked aged from rotten bannanas, appeared to lick the man's oozing spleeniness. The monkey was wearing a purple bandana and heart boxers. Loosing his white knuckled grip on the granite wall, and was about to plumet to his death. He was miraculously saved by the flying monkey because of his greed for oozing spleeniness. His friend that still clung to the rock, was frozen by sheer panic. No way of helping his friend he continued his acent upwards. 

The monkey having had his fill of spleeniness let the man continue his fall. It seemed for a time he was doomed to sudden distruction but this being the abyss, there was no bottom. But there was a ledge. he was saved when he fell on the back of a unicorn. Miraculously he was not dead from oozing spleeniness. The unicorn whinneyed (horse thing) and a giant bat came swooping down hearing the call of the unicorn. He swooped down to help his distressed friend. He grabbed the man off the unicorns back. He decided at this moment that he would shout his name, Stanley. He heard back the echo "I'm really a woman!" Confused by this new echo the bat drops the man who returned to his thoughts of his sudden destruction. But this being the abyss, there was no bottom. But there was ledges! 

Stanley landed with a sickening crunch. There was a sudden POP. and Harry Potter, scar and all, had apparated into the nothingness. Stanley's appearance had mutated so he was a shocking shade of periwinkle. Harry Potter gazed at his beastly appearance. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter." Harry said in a fake british accent. "Harry Potter?" The man said repeating the fake british accent. "I, Harry Potter, will take pity on your poor wretched soul." Potter said still using his fake brittish accent. Potter whiped out his wand with a flourish. He levitated poor Stanley onto the back of the unicorn which caused him so much grief earlier. But Stanley resisted saying "No not the unicorn!" And that caused Harry's own spell to backfire on him. And Harry Potter was levitated onto the unicorn himself. The unicorn recognized Harry Potter and gored him with his horn and plunged him into the abyss. Tragically for Harry Potter there were no ledges to save his whiney (not horse thing) life. 

Stanley returned to his spot where he was previously levitated. Amazed at his continued life he leaned over the edge and said "You're just jealous because your spleen isn't oozing spleen sleeniness!" The jealous abyss answered back in the same echo he heard earlier. "I'm really a woman!" The startleing revelation echoed back to the man with the severed lip causing him to loose his tentative grip on the granite wall. His form plunged passed Stanley. But this being the abyss there was no bottom, but there are ledges! Unfortunately, he did not land on any. Stanley had leaned over the edge too far to watch his traitotous friend's fall. His oozing spleeniness made his hands loose his grip. And Stanley continued, once again, his doomed distructive plummet. But this being the abyss, there was no bottom but suddenly he plunged into something wet. The icy chill ran up and down his spine, tingleing it's tingly tingle of death. Stanley EEped."But this is an abyss, there is no bottom" Stanley exclaimed. Then, the realization dawned on him. "This is a ledge" he cried with emotions jerking him to near tears. What Stanley failed to realize was that the ledge was pure water. So he plummeted like a rock!

Continuing his descent Stanley was used to the crunching sound on ledges. What was suprizing about this ledge was the beautiful face that looked at his morbid form. He recognized this face instantly as a blast from his childhood. It was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. "I will help you in your distress, poor child" she said. "I'm not a child!" Stanley replied. The echo came back to him saying "I'm really a woman!" Belle grabbed Stanley's shirt that was stained with oozing spleeniness and threw him mightily as if she was Klark Kent's cousin. Stanley's heart lept with joy as the sunlight broke through the gloom of the abyss. But Stanley did not stop when he reached the top of the Abyss. Yes it's true. Abyss's have tops, and ledges. But no bottoms. He continued to soar impossibly high. And he broke through the atmosphere that surrounded the strange world. The air was sucked from his lungs, and his soal continued the journey his body could not.

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