Monday, July 13, 2009


My best friend turned 20 today. Makes me feel old. And yet I'm excited to turn 20 in a couple weeks. Ups and downs.

Opening the store at work means over 50 hours of work this week. Yay money, but boo being tired. And it makes me want to spend my money on cute clothes. Ups and downs.

Being at home is...I can't say nice. Not after some of the things that have happened while being here. And yet it is. But I miss Matt. My mom and I are getting along better these past couple weeks. But my dad and I have been a lot worse than usual. Ups and downs.

I enjoy seeing the friends that I do here in Twin--Chip and Kristine, and hopefully soon Lisa and Lindsey comes home soon. But I miss those who aren't here. My England family, Sarahs, Amanda, Lila, Tracy, temporarily Lindsey. And I wish I were with them. Ups and downs.

I loved getting a random email from John Bennion today and reading it and laughing and then starting to cry because it made me miss him and everyone else so much. Ups and downs.

I love helping people and giving them advice and being happy with them, or even being sad with them and listening to them and whatever, if that's what they need. I love giving an old roommate advice through her struggles that are so similar to mine and what I've recently gone through (or am still going through). I love talking to an old friend and just listening to the wonderful but confusing things going on in her life and cheering for her. But I hate it when I just want to cry, and need someone there, and no one is--not because they don't want to be, because I know that if they knew and had any possible way to, they'd be there in a second. But because they don't know that I'm silently crying myself to sleep, missing hugs and friends and needing more than just someone to talk to. And even if they did, they are halfway across the world or country or state or city, hours away or even just unreasonable minutes. It's not that they wouldn't be more than happy to. It's just that it's physically impossible or too unreasonable for me even to suggest anything but wishing. Ups and downs.


Megan said...

No worries...20 was the best year of my life. What's weird is when age suddenly doesn't seem to matter anymore. Tomorrow is Matthias's birthday and he had to do the subtraction to figure out how old he's going to be, and it's only 24!

If you need a good cry, you can write it out in an email like the old days. *hugs* Sometimes the act of just crying and getting it all out helps immensely.

tracy said...

Rach- I love you.