David, David, and Deep questions

http://www.fox13now.com/news/kstu-one-dead-in-pleasant-grove-shooting,0,2693250.story

Read the article and watch the video. That my friends, is an amazing story. You know why? Because David Murphy, the guy who apprehended the shooter, is my FHE brother. Woot! Go David! :)

Isn't it great that we can live in a country where citizens are willing to help out just like that? Yes, there are some huge problems with our world, but at the same time, most of the people in it are trying the best that they can to be good people.

Like David Copperfield. :D

But sometimes I wonder if I'm living up to everything I should be. Would I be able to be willing to help take down a shooter, even if I didn't know what was going on? Would I be able to withstand beatings and a horrible childhood and still manage to be a good person? There's a line in my patriarchal blessing, that I'm not going to share, for personal reasons, but it has a line that makes me think this every time I read it. I think it's a great question for anyone to ask themselves. Am I living up to my name as a child of God?

This would make a great paper for John Bennion. Remind me about it for my David Copperfield thought paper. :) Also, I'm not going to post my last paper up here, but if you want to read it, just let me know. It's about Jane and Rochester in Jane Eyre, plus lessons I've learned from my boy experience. :)

Self-Actualization

So I'm not really self-actualized. But I feel one step closer. That is the goal of our papers in John Bennion's class anyway. And I just finished one.

I wrote it my whole boy experience that's been going on for the past year and a half. I was thinking about how much I had learned from it and everything all while we were reading Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre. And then Tuesday...I suppose that was just yesterday...I was ditched again. Wasn't really the boy's fault, but it was still dumb, especially considering how many times it's previously happened. So I just had to let everything out....again. But I'm back to feeling good about the whole thing again. Yay self-actualization!

Also, I might get to bed before midnight tonight. As soon as I'm done posting here I'm going to snuggle up under the covers. Unfortunately I have German tomorrow; it was almost cancelled. But I think all we're doing is watching Der Herr der Ringe...auf Englisch Lord of the Rings. hahaha. Love it. That's how we start every class. But at least this much sleep is better than none. And then I get to do homework and then go to the temple, pick up my Sports Pass (finally...I've been meaning to get it for months) so that I can go to the basketball game against the U on Saturday, and then go tubing at Soldier's Hollow! Hooray! It's going to rock!

Was-ever

It's been a while since my last post. Well, it feels like it's been a while. I suppose it's only been just over a week. It seems like a month since Lorinda's wedding. Goodness.

Life is great. Saturday's Cupid's Ball at Washington rocked. I've just enjoyed all the thoughts that I've had lately too. Church yesterday was really great, actually. It always is, but yesterday just had extra ooomph.

Today I'm very motivated, but not. I want to get stuff done, and I've been trying to, but I can't really focus. I don't know why. Okay, that's a lie. I know why. But I don't know why it's keeping me from focusing on school because it hasn't before. Oh well. I'll still get stuff done.

Anyway, just felt like I hadn't updated in forever. I guess school just takes up lots of my time and makes it seem like my life is dragging. Was-ever. (That's my "whatever" that's half Deutsch-half Englisch).

:D

So I might have had a slight change of heart about Valentine's Day. Simply because I've discovered...

I. LOVE. WEDDINGS.

Today, taking pictures of and with Lorinda and Scott, visiting with family, seeing the happy couple beaming, seeing my parents and all my aunts and uncles (and even my cousin Jason!) so touched by the ceremony, feeling cute, just feeling all happy...life was good today. I hadn't been to a wedding-wedding (as in, anything other than a reception or a bridal shower) since my Aunt Darlene and Uncle Scott got married, and I was 5. They're wonderful. It just made me want to get married and be that happy. Of course, I'm perfectly content to wait. More than so. But today the Spirit and the happiness and excitement that hung over my whole extended family was so...celestial. We're all going to be together forever, and now we have another cousin to be with--Scott Allred. He makes our cousin Lorinda so happy. They were glowing. :)

I guess the point of this post was to say that spending my Single's Awareness Day at a wedding was the exact opposite of what I thought it was going to be. Maybe Valentine's Day isn't quite so bad after all. :)

Valentine's Day: When you're 19, Single, and at BYU...

Valentine's Day has never been my favorite holiday. In fact, quite the opposite. To me, February 14th is a commercialistic, puke fest. From junior high onward, it has been many things: a popularity contest, a day where any girl who is unattached is helped along to feeling insignificant and unloved--no matter how strongly she may believe otherwise, a day (or week) of excessive and disgusting PDA, a day that people seem to think can make up for their lack of love througout the rest of the week. On top of that, it's the middle of winter, and the coldest part of it as that. By the time Valentine's Day rolls around, I am so sick of the snow and the freeze-fest that I don't want to leave my bed, let alone my apartment. I could go on. And when you're 19, single, and at BYU, there is definately no escaping February 14.

Last year, my first year here at the Y, Valentine's Day wasn't so bad. Yes, I was trying to get over the heartbreak of a very cute boy. Yes, my roommate had started dating someone and although I was so so very happy for her, I will admit, I was slightly jealous. But to lighten the mood I counted couples on campus over the space of Feb. 13-15 with many of my friends and had a girl's night with my "cousin" and her best friend. After all, we were all single (or too wonderful to hate for being in a relationship when others weren't, haha) and freshman. Life was grand. Marriage was looming in no one's curent futures and we were, for the most part, content to just be living with our girl friends and having a blast. I may have been a bit bitter that I wasn't dating a certain boy at the time, but generally life was good.

This year, lots has changed. Many girls I know, not close friends, but who I knew fairly well who went to high school with me are married or engaged. The real kicker is that 3 good friends--one of them a best friend from high school, another one of my best friends ever who has been with me since 6th grade--have gotten engaged in the past 2 weeks. My cousin, the first one to get married, is actually getting married on Valentine's Day. I'm so excited for all of them--so giggly, happy, supportive excited. Yet I talk about wedding plans with them, look at wedding and engagement pictures, and I feel empty. Although a few days ago I was perfectly fine being single, now Valentine's Day has transformed me into something else. I was even thinking just last week that February 14th might not be so bad this year, because I'm perfectly content being single. But now I have an aching yearning to get married. Not just be in a relationship, but to get married. Which scares me, because I really don't want to get married right now, and I still have much to learn and work on before I do get married. I'm just not quite sure what to do with myself. Especially since last night I had the best dream. I was in a happy, healthy relationship with a boy whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and he was completely in love with me as well.

Someday it'll all happen. But when you're 19, Single, and at BYU, all your friends and family start getting engaged. And Valentine's Day is back to its depressing, Single Awareness-y self.

John Bennion Moment

I'm really exhausted. All week I've been tired, but last night I didn't get much sleep anyway, and it was restless. Because about 22 hours ago I had a John Bennion moment.

John is my British Novel professor who is taking our group to England in the spring. I can't wait. But he is phenomenal. He makes you think and ponder--raises more questions than he answers and teaches you to look at texts in a completely different way to discover yourself and others in a whole new light. AMAZING. No other word for it. If you're at BYU and taking English classes, I highly recommend him.

Anyway, we just finished Pride and Prejudice and I've been waiting for this explosive moment for a while. It finally came. I had been looking at it the right way; it's not just a story, but an exploration of people and whatnot, but I just needed the right prompt. Kudos to Kylie for her discussion question that got my wheels turning. And they've been going ever since. I might post my paper up here when I'm done with it, but right now I have no idea where it's going. Or even starting. I have so many questions and thoughts and ideas and experiences I could tie in and EVERYTHING IS EVERYWHERE AND I NEED TO MAKE IT ALL FIT AND ALL THESE THOUGHTS ARE SO GREAT! AHHHHHHHH! I love being an English major. I love moments like this. So much. My head hurts, but in a good way. :D

I just wish they didn't make me so tired.