Thursday, March 18, 2010

Months and Years

You know, it could be happening in 2 months.Instead it'll be a bit over 6. I could be taking big steps towards it right now. But I'm not. Because of a decision I made a few months ago delayed this process. Which is a good thing. I'm excited for the intervening months and I feel like I'm doing the right thing. I do. I do.

Yeah, I'm trying to convince myself right now. Convince myself that it's the right thing still, that I shouldn't go back to my original plan. Because no matter how right it feels, and no matter how much sense it makes logistically, spiritually and (usually) emotionally...waiting is still hard when you want something more than anything and for the past 4 years you've been expecting to be practically there at this point in your life and now you have to wait longer. 6 months is a long time. A lot longer than 2 months.

So even though I'm used to waiting, now that it's getting closer, I want to wait less. It's like some inverse exponent thing (I'm tired, okay?). And even though I was excited for Fall, and still am, right now I wish I wasn't going to be here for it. I wish that what I want right now is what Heavenly Father wants and has in store for me. Because waiting even longer right now is feeling like my heart is breaking. I don't want to wait any longer. But I will, if that's what He wants.
(all pictures from


Lisa said...

I know exactly how you feel, babe. On the same subject and on a slightly different subject. You know.

Waiting of all kinds is hard.

Kent Dodds said...

I love you Rachel.