2010: The End

It's been a good year, one of the best. But tomorrow, it's 2011, and this year will be out the door. This is the last blog post of 2010. It's gone by pretty fast. But here are just some thoughts I've been thinking:

• It's very strange to go back to a place you already said goodbye to long before you ever expected to be back there. The experience messes with your mind and it feels like you're in some sort of time warp.
• It's been two weeks since I've seen lots of special people in my life. I miss them.
• Missionary clothes shopping is exhausting. But it is also finished, at least for me.
• Tomorrow it is not only the year, but the month, that I become a missionary of the Lord. I AM SO EXCITED. And scared to death.
• I thought it would be hard for 2010 to be better than 2009, but you know, I think that with a few exceptions this year blew last year out of the water. It was so much better than I ever dreamed. Spring term on was just about perfect. 

Bye, 2010! I've loved you, but next year will be even better. :)

A Curse Be Upon You

Well, you know, not YOU, exactly. More like the weather. I swear it hates me. It will go for weeks without snowing, not snow on Christmas, etc. All these times when snow would be enjoyed or at least just a minor inconvenience . . . nothing. But then, on the days when I have plans to travel or need to get to Provo, or to Twin Falls, it is always snowing and blowing, and roads may be closed and I can't go anywhere. Sigh. I just want to go get some mission clothes.

Once Upon a Dream

I love Disney songs. And good dreams. I just wish my dream could come true, like this one.

Merry Christmas

Love this song. My mom asked me tonight if I knew it, and it's actually been stuck in my head all day.


And this one is my absolute favorite Christmas song: "Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht." It's just everything true about the Christmas season.

I'm Tellin' You No Blarney

My mother has been telling us all that we need to get our act together so we can have the Christmas spirit in our house, because apparently it hasn't been feeling like Christmas. And I agree. It hasn't been feeling like Christmas. But tonight we were at the Tavaci Christmas concert watching Mike and Leah sing and Matt leans over to me and says, "I just realized why we don't have the Christmas spirit yet. We haven't listened to 'Christmas in Killarney.'" Naturally, we came home and listened to it. Straight way. And sang along, very loudly. In horribly fake Irish accents.



Also, I'm here to wish you a Merry Christmas from Regency 208. Keep the (Victorian-esque) Christmas Spirit, folks. Enjoy these pictures, and don't strangle Michele with a light-up star.

I miss these girls already

Merry Christmas! Love, 208

Mixed Emotions

I am home.

The past just-over-24 hours have been some of the most up and down of my life. From extreme happiness to sadness to holding back tears to accomplishment to trying to be a comfort to elation and pleasure to frustration to impatience to bliss and contentment and happiness and then back to crying again.

I am just so tired and feeling very bittersweet right now.

Turn Around

Last night was the last night in my bed in 208.
This morning was the last time I woke up to NPR with Kate and then had fun times with her.
I am at my last work shift at HumRef.
I didn't get to see lots of people I wanted to.
The Provo Tabernacle burned.
I'm going to do poorly on my Women Studies' final.
Other personal things in the lives of friends.
Saying bye to roommates and friends.

BUT . . .
I'm going home to see my family.

I get to spend tonight and tomorrow morning with Spencer.

I get three weeks with some wonderful friends.

CHRISTMAS!

Almost being done with finals for 2 years. 

Freshman-reminiscent pranks on two freshman friends

All the things I've been blessed with that make leaving so hard to do sometimes.

I'm going on a mission to serve the Lord and His children in Russia!

Obituary

I have actually wanted to post a lot recently. Stories about my wonderful roommates and other friends. Bemoanings about my Pearl of Great Price final and packing (the bane of my existence, packing is). Celebratory statements of finishing papers. Little snapshots from the past week. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to, but not because I've been so crazy busy, because you know me, I can usually find time to blog before bed most nights. Rather, it is in deep sorrow that I announce the passing of my trusty computer Fred.

RIP Fred

Although many times I got frustrated and mad at him, we shared many good times and he got me through a lot. I must have written hundreds of papers, both assigned and personal, on his keyboard, thousands of conversations via his webcam and his internet access. He taught me countless, probably-useless facts (also via the internets) and traveled many places--to Idaho, to California, and back to Provo-home again, and helped me Facebook and goof off and write on this very blog. We even had many dance parties together, and he stored my memories faithfully through both pictures and typed words. His favorite hobbies were, in fact, Facebook, blogging, and writing--especially literary analysis and personal essays. His passing, although expected to be in the near future, was sudden and inconvenient, although some miracle kept him here for an extra 30 minutes until after my last Women Studies paper was sent off, and he was able to fulfill that last duty admirably and punctually. Despite these admirable qualities, after this week and especially after January 12, Fred will not be much missed. He joins his original power cord and battery and his old friend Lisa's twinner computer, along with many other loved ones, in technology heaven. Fred is survived by his sister (Nameless Cell Phone), his owner (me), and the last week of the Fall 2010 semester. Funeral services will be held sometime over Christmas Break, after a few, last and feeble attempts at resuscitation are performed. Fred, may you rest in peace.

Must Have Done Something Right

Lately I've just been thinking about how blessed I am. And how some of the blessings in my life are conflicting at the moment, but not, because they're all wonderful and right and good. Although sometimes things are difficult, I'm really so blessed.

On a somewhat-related note, I know that people care about me and all that, but it gets obnoxious when everyone and their dog asks the same question that's really none of their business. I usually don't mind, especially because I know it's because they care and they're interested in me and my life and whatnot, but there is a line. Random people in my home ward do not need to ask my mother the details of something that I don't even know the entire answer to. But I am glad they care, and although I sometimes wonder what I've gotten myself into, I'm very glad for both sides of the situation they ask about (more than I can put into words, actually).

That's all you get tonight, peeps. Sorry. Papers are a'beckoning.

The Right Question

A few weeks ago in my Shakespeare and Film class we had a discussion about whether or not Romeo and Juliet's love was a virtue or a vice. (By the way, R&J is one of my new favorite plays. Beautiful. This was my 3rd time reading it for school, plus I saw a production in London, but I didn't really like it until this time around. Blame my life and Dr. Siegfried and Franco Zeffirelli and Jen). Anyway, I digress. Love. Virtue. Vice. We asked this question in that discussion. Is it possible to love too much?

Is it possible to care about someone too much?

Еще один

I figured this one is appropriate since the movie takes place in Russia AND it's officially December now. 6 weeks from yesterday.

Я не говорю, что я в любви

I should be doing homework. But it's so hard to focus on homework right now.

Real situation: All this homework and finals stuff to do in the next 2 weeks, along with my Visa application, and then crazy busyness at home in Twin getting ready to leave.
Ideal situation: Being able to apparate between Provo and Twin and not having school or work so I can spend the next 6 weeks just having fun with the people I love and want to be around before I take off for the next 18 months. And then after the best 6 weeks ever, I go to the MTC and then Russia for the best 18 months ever.

So we're attempting to blend the two by procrastinating homework by listening to Disney songs on YouTube . . . in Russian, of course! And then going to Cocoa Bean with Kate tonight.



As a side note, although Russian/Russia holds my heart now, I will admit, German is still very dear to me. I miss speaking it. And I miss England, because part of me will always be there too.

I'm Going There Someday

Scott Cannon

Day After Thanksgiving

Tromping through the woods

Snow-covered trees

The perfect Christmas tree

The Season is here

Happy Thanksgiving

I am grateful for . . .

• My family
• My roommates
• Spencer
• My friends
• The Gospel of Jesus Christ
• My mission call
• Russia
• The temple
• A roof over  my head
• Food to eat
• Hugs
• Chocolate
• Blankets
• Running water
• BYU
• My education
• My healthy body
• The Atonement and repentance
• Technology
• Automobiles
• Safe travel
• Music
• Sleep
• Literature
• Shakespeare
• Movies
• Art of all kinds
• Nature
• England
• Writing
• My job
• Love
• And much, much more

I'm Harry, Harry Potter

It was well worth writing 30 (yes, 30) pages of essay in 3 days in order to experience tonight.

The dressing up. My roommates and friends. Holding hands and screaming and freaking out during all the right moments. Experiencing Harry Potter and England and these things I love so much. It was beautiful, brilliant--both as Harry Potter and as its own film. Congrats, David Yates. You've made this hard-to-please Harry Potter fan very upset that she has to wait 20 months to see Part 2 (but don't get me wrong, she's very glad you split it into two movies). I just feel sorry for those people outside of the 5ish-year age group of the Harry Potter generation. They don't understand. They didn't literally grow up side by side with Harry, Hermione, Ron, Neville, and the others.

Hello, my name is Rachel, and I am a proud member of the Harry Potter generation. AND I LOVED DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1.

P.S. England and Lit 2009 shout-out. Malham Cove. Freaked out when I saw it in the movie. I was like . . . "I know that place. That's Malham. I'VE BEEN THERE." Love love love.
P.P.S. I'm too lazy right now to do more than just paste a link, but I also love love love this picture and it epitomizes what I want to do right now: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joel_r/5090741361/sizes/l/in/set-72157625060828229/

Stress

I haven't been this legitimately stressed out in a while, mostly because I feel as if I've learned how to deal with my stress through the years. But here's how you can tell that my body and mind are both rebelling against these anti-stress techniques and that I'm stressed.

• My productivity comes in huge waves.
• I can't get up in the morning to save my life, no matter how much sleep I've gotten.
• I haven't had this much hair come out of my hand--whether in the shower, in my brush, or shedding just because--it a LONG time. (Good thing I have a lot of it to lose, although I'd rather it stay where God put it)
• CRAZY DREAMS about things I am anxious about. Last night involved events mostly centering around my Shakespeare and Film midterm, although it also had cameo appearances from not finding parking, being late, not showering, my Pearl of Great Price class, seeing Spencer, and just feeling horrible.You know it's bad when you start writing papers in your dreams. As you, my thought process involved no images, but it was like I was sitting at my computer writing a paper. They were really great ideas too, unfortunately, it just stressed me out and I can't remember any of the specific ideas.

Chair Dance Party

Just a a few things.

I think Shakespeare and Beyonce would have been friends. It's the only explanation for why Halo popped into my head while working on outlining my midterm essays for Dr. Siegfried's class. So of course I had to listen to it. And the more I think about it, the more Beyonce's songs fit perfectly with Will's plays. Halo = Romeo and Juliet. If I Were a Boy = Midsummer Night's Dream, or any of the cross-dressing comedies like Twelfth Night or As You Like It. Irreplaceable =  Othello. Okay, so that one was a bit of a stretch, and they're getting tougher, but really. Can you see it? I can see it. Oh, Beyonce and Shakespeare. How I love thee both.

AND HARRY POTTER AT MIDNIGHT IN JUST A FEW NIGHTS!!!! We're all dressing up. Jen and I are going to be the Patil twins. And we're all going to have Horcruxes. Yes, we are that cool.

MWAP!

 I've realized that there are two halves to my brain, which we shall now explore further in depth.

1. The I WANT TO MAKE WEIRD NOISES! side. This part of my brain really just wants to make noise and for some reason thinks it'll be as awesome as possible to be as obnoxious as possible. This involves making cat-esque noises, screeches, screams, Lisa-heep imitations, whistles and other quite indescribable caterwaulings. And because I think, in my brain, that these sounds would be really cool and socially acceptable and AWESOME to make, I do. This part of my brain is also very nimble and quick, like the Jack who jumped over the candle stick. But there's a catch.
2. There is the second half of my brain, the RACHEL THAT IS NOT SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE/TACTFUL side. This side of brain is obviously a stick in the mud and not very fun. But you know, it's helped me get this far in life, so I figure I should keep it around. In fact, it often comes in handy. Unfortunately, it also thinks a lot slower than the I WANT TO MAKE WEIRD NOISES! side of my brain. This provides for interesting situations. 

For a hypothetical, "nothing like this has EVER happened" example, a few roommates and I stand/sit around our apartment, all doing various things. And then Half 1 of my brain (think Thing 1 and Thing 2 from the Cat in the Hat, or maybe Kronk's shoulder angel/devil) says, "RACH! It'd be a great idea for you to just kinda make some random, crazy-sounding noise right now. Come on. Really loud. Just do it. Ready . . . GO!" And so I do what it tells me to. Obviously. I mean, it's not like I haven't thought it through--my brain just did think it through. INSERT NOISE HERE. And then . . . About a full minute later . . . Half 2 says, "Rachel, dearest, you shouldn't listen to that first side of your brain, you know. It's crazy, bonkers, round the bend. And people probably won't think your cool if you make noises like that and yell at them all the time, no matter how lovingly. They'll probably just think you're an idiot and laugh at you and love you, but think you're kind of socially inept or something. So . . . don't actually make that noise, okay? Let's just stay sane and full of tact and good social judgement."

Whoops. Too late.

P.S. If you can't tell, it's kind of late at night and I have a very interesting thought process late at night when I try to be funny but don't really succeed. This is also associated with the 1st half of my brain that thinks it's all that and funny and awesome, when really, it's more just obnoxious and kind of dumb. So sorry that I say dumb things sometimes. Even my socially-able side thinks that they're still funny, even if they are dumb too. The end. 

Time to Start Shopping

We are getting Kate a chinchilla for Christmas. 

CHINCHILLA!

 (. . . maybe)

I Should Have Used the Other Door!

3/4s of Mwah Fafloogah

Here's something that harks back to the good ol' days of Girl's Camp 2007, where Lindsey and I ruled the world as graduated seniors and third-year YCLS, and we hung out with Julie Bastian and Chip and Kristine, and our "destinies" were based on initials/YW leader's sons and things were funnier with twinkies on our heads and no one wanted to be Coriander seed and everything was Harry Potter and no one got any sleep (which explains quite a bit of what you're about to read). Please excuse any blatant errors. This is copied and pasted many times removed, and I fixed most of them I could see. And now, I present to you a story of silliness, by the best-selling authors of "Larry Snotter and the Goblet of Coffee" . . . 

Oozing Spleeniness

by Mwah Fafloogah

The two men were scaling the wall to the abyss. They were both nursing their injuries from the fall. One man had a severed lip. The other man had a severed spleen and was oozing spleen spleeniness all over his pants. "What does your spleen do anyway?" said the man trying to lighten the mood. "I'm not a doctor." the man snapped. "It does what it's supposed to I guess." Silence fell between them as they continued their acsent upwards. All of a sudden a flying monkey, that looked aged from rotten bannanas, appeared to lick the man's oozing spleeniness. The monkey was wearing a purple bandana and heart boxers. Loosing his white knuckled grip on the granite wall, and was about to plumet to his death. He was miraculously saved by the flying monkey because of his greed for oozing spleeniness. His friend that still clung to the rock, was frozen by sheer panic. No way of helping his friend he continued his acent upwards. 

The monkey having had his fill of spleeniness let the man continue his fall. It seemed for a time he was doomed to sudden distruction but this being the abyss, there was no bottom. But there was a ledge. he was saved when he fell on the back of a unicorn. Miraculously he was not dead from oozing spleeniness. The unicorn whinneyed (horse thing) and a giant bat came swooping down hearing the call of the unicorn. He swooped down to help his distressed friend. He grabbed the man off the unicorns back. He decided at this moment that he would shout his name, Stanley. He heard back the echo "I'm really a woman!" Confused by this new echo the bat drops the man who returned to his thoughts of his sudden destruction. But this being the abyss, there was no bottom. But there was ledges! 

Stanley landed with a sickening crunch. There was a sudden POP. and Harry Potter, scar and all, had apparated into the nothingness. Stanley's appearance had mutated so he was a shocking shade of periwinkle. Harry Potter gazed at his beastly appearance. "I'm Harry. Harry Potter." Harry said in a fake british accent. "Harry Potter?" The man said repeating the fake british accent. "I, Harry Potter, will take pity on your poor wretched soul." Potter said still using his fake brittish accent. Potter whiped out his wand with a flourish. He levitated poor Stanley onto the back of the unicorn which caused him so much grief earlier. But Stanley resisted saying "No not the unicorn!" And that caused Harry's own spell to backfire on him. And Harry Potter was levitated onto the unicorn himself. The unicorn recognized Harry Potter and gored him with his horn and plunged him into the abyss. Tragically for Harry Potter there were no ledges to save his whiney (not horse thing) life. 

Stanley returned to his spot where he was previously levitated. Amazed at his continued life he leaned over the edge and said "You're just jealous because your spleen isn't oozing spleen sleeniness!" The jealous abyss answered back in the same echo he heard earlier. "I'm really a woman!" The startleing revelation echoed back to the man with the severed lip causing him to loose his tentative grip on the granite wall. His form plunged passed Stanley. But this being the abyss there was no bottom, but there are ledges! Unfortunately, he did not land on any. Stanley had leaned over the edge too far to watch his traitotous friend's fall. His oozing spleeniness made his hands loose his grip. And Stanley continued, once again, his doomed distructive plummet. But this being the abyss, there was no bottom but suddenly he plunged into something wet. The icy chill ran up and down his spine, tingleing it's tingly tingle of death. Stanley EEped."But this is an abyss, there is no bottom" Stanley exclaimed. Then, the realization dawned on him. "This is a ledge" he cried with emotions jerking him to near tears. What Stanley failed to realize was that the ledge was pure water. So he plummeted like a rock!

Continuing his descent Stanley was used to the crunching sound on ledges. What was suprizing about this ledge was the beautiful face that looked at his morbid form. He recognized this face instantly as a blast from his childhood. It was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. "I will help you in your distress, poor child" she said. "I'm not a child!" Stanley replied. The echo came back to him saying "I'm really a woman!" Belle grabbed Stanley's shirt that was stained with oozing spleeniness and threw him mightily as if she was Klark Kent's cousin. Stanley's heart lept with joy as the sunlight broke through the gloom of the abyss. But Stanley did not stop when he reached the top of the Abyss. Yes it's true. Abyss's have tops, and ledges. But no bottoms. He continued to soar impossibly high. And he broke through the atmosphere that surrounded the strange world. The air was sucked from his lungs, and his soal continued the journey his body could not.

THE END!!!

Chandler Burr . . .

writes perfume reviews, and pens gems like these:

• "If Chanel No. 5 were a Jolly Rancher flavor, this would be it."
• "Yes, something’s there, but it’s detectable in the way that AM radio picks up ghost-like murmurings."
• "It starts out as a delightful retro, channeling the aftershave used decades ago in Italian barbershops – delicious, aromatic pine with bark of burnished cinnamon. About five hours later, after that burns off, the scent that remains is neutral human breath, warm and strange – and incredibly, almost upsettingly intimate. The barber is inches away, squinting as he trims your sideburns. If you find that he’s a bit too close, simply reapply after a few hours and the ’50s-era pine will return and endure."
• "It’s a gourmand, and I have a real weakness for gourmands."
• "Laotian benzoin, a sweet Asian incense, approximates its warmth, and Japanese yuzu, a deliciously fragrant citrus with notes of lemon and tangerine, conjures its aromatic, nearly edible quality."

Also, perfume names . . . they're ridiculous in the most ridiculous way. Like "Midnight Fantasy Britney Spears" (I actually really do love this review though. Made me literally LOL).

And this, my friends, is what Kate and I stay up late reading. It's absolutely ridiculous, and I'm now addicted. 

Better

When you are stressed out and worried and not feeling very happy, here are some things that should happen. And then you will feel better.

• Hug from Lisa
• Pumpkin cake from Jen
• Hilarious comments from Kate
• Excitement from Jake
• Call from Spencer

And somehow, that will make the world all right and you'll be happier and renewed and able to write your outline and get to bed at a semi-reasonable hour.

WARNING WARNING

This post is being written by an emotional, stressed-out, exhausted girl running on almost no sleep who has been doing homework, or sitting in class or at work for essentially all of the past 45ish hours. My mom had her baby, which is great and exciting and all, but seeing how little Jacob Benjamin can't really do my homework for me or make all my responsibility go away, and I don't get to meet him until next weekend at the earliest, it's more just stressful. My brain is broken, which is bad, seeing how I still have to write my entire Pearl of Great Price outline. It feels like Friday, because the week has been so long, yet a Friday that by some cruel twist of fate is actually Monday, because I still have so much to do until I reach the end of the week. I am physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally drained. My room is a mess and I don't have time to clean it until it becomes priority number #1 for cleaning checks on Saturday, which means I don't get to sleep in.

What I really want to do is have a good cry, and then curl up on the couch with a blanket and my boy, eating some of my favorite mac and cheese (oh, I just want some warm, unhealthy dairy comfort food) and watching movie. That would make me forget everything not good in the world.

smitten kitchen
This is not my favorite recipe. Only the best look-alike picture I could find.

AHHHH! SHAKESPEARE AND FILM!!!

Orson Welles as Macbeth

Nazgul King from Peter Jackson's LotR

See a resemblance? Both men, who have become only shadows due to their lust for power. Both believe they cannot be defeated, either by man born of woman, or man, and end up being proved wrong. Yep, Peter Jackson brilliantly cites Orson Welles's Macbeth with his Nazgul King, especially in the scene where Eowyn kills the Nazgul. Once again--can we say BRILLIANT? This is why Shakespeare and Film with Dr. Siegfried is the best class ever. Apparently there are a lot more Shakespeare/Shakespeare film citations/allusions in the LotR trilogy. Makes me want to watch the extended versions with Jen before I leave for the mission. Now if only I had the time . . .

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . .

BLASTOFF!

With this post, I am making October tied for the month in which I have the most blog posts. I just realized that I had to do it really quickly, before it turned midnight and my blog turns into a pumpkin . . . I mean, before it's November.  Favorite things from October? 

• Conference
• Winning both home football games
• Homecoming dance with Spencer
• Basically anything with Spencer
• RECEIVING AND OPENING MY MISSION CALL!
• Looking at the Cyrillic alphabet instead of doing homework.
• Surviving school.
• Ingrid Michaelson
• Basically anything involving my roommates
• Jessie
• Fall colors

There are so many more things to look forward to in November. I can't believe it's already practically November though. I hope I can finish this post while it's still October. 2010 is coming to an end. So much to do, so little time. 

Happy Fall, Halloween, and November, friends.

(via)

Short Vignettes from the Past Week

Life has been crazy busy, and I've wanted to blog, but haven't had the time. So, here's my life in a nutshell, all the short blog posts I would have done. I think you'll agree that even though this was a hard, stressful, emotional (not necessarily in a good way) week, that in the end, the good far outweighed the bad.

Ingrid
After the doors opening an hour late, and standing outside in the rain and snow-hail without a coat, and then waiting for everyone to get in, and then for the opening act to perform, and then even more after that for Ingrid Michaelson, I was getting stressed out. I had so much homework to do and why was I there and I'm not going to get home until ridiculously late. But then she walked on stage and everything was better. Everyone sang along. Ingrid told funny stories about how she's really not that cool (proving that perhaps she's probably one the coolest, most wonderful people out there). And it was beautiful--Ingrid, the music, and people I had come with. Definitely worth every second of time not doing homework and all the sleep I lost. And then, because I had just listened to a talented musician who made me so happy inside, I didn't even hate driving home in the snow.

Shakespeare
Othello. 3 movies. Wells, Olivier, and edited O. Awesome people in my group, and an awesome presentation idea. Only one more week and then it's done, which will be bittersweet and so releasing/relaxing all at the same time. Okay, so more the latter.

Halloween Surprises
I'm not a huge Halloween person. But I love it when all my roommates get excited about things, and when Kate freaks out about finally being able to be Velma and then offers to do my Belle hair. And when Jen's burn scar and eye-liner tattoo fit perfectly into her pirate costume and when Lisa has great ideas for our "Caramel Apple Pagan Party: A Secular Celebration." And when Jessie's hair is Jessie's hair and she's back in our apartment like she never was gone, and Landen wears the fedora that she made herself. And Michele looks classy and snaps pictures, just like always. I love seeing people's creative costume ideas around campus and at my apartment and enjoying how excited other people get at this time of year. But the thing I think I probably loved most about this Halloween was when a certain boy named Spencer decided he was going to walk in my door after telling me that he was really almost an hour and half north in his parent's car taking a 15 minute nap. I couldn't stop smiling and never wanted to let go of his hand. It had been 6 days (read: too long) since I'd seen him and I had thought that I wasn't going to get to see him until Sunday. It was one of those moments, when I turned around and saw him, jumped up and ran, and I just stood there hugging him, not believing that he was really there and that he hadn't told me he was coming. He said he wanted to surprise me. Well . . . it worked.

The Way I Am (Rock-out Style)

Awesome

• Ingrid Michaelson live. You should be jealous. Definitely worth the wait and the stress, which is saying something.
• Sleep
• The people I associate (or more than just associate) with in life

Not Awesome (and by that I mean, things I really don't like right now)

• Snow
• Driving in said snow
• Writing papers you have no inspiration for
• Not having seen or really talked to Spencer in so long. I know, I'm pathetic.

On Personal Essays

Jen has to write a personal essay tonight. I wish that was my homework. I miss writing. I pulled up some of my stuff to have her read, to help give her some ideas, and got caught up reading it. Not to sound cocky, but some of it was really great. I'm a good writer. Why don't I write more?

Of course, the times when I feel most inclined to write are the weeks that I have absolutely no time whatsoever. Like right now. Gotta go read 50 bajillion (okay, so just 50) pages of literary criticism and a sociology chapter so that I can got to bed soon so that I can wake up early to write a response paper for Dr. Siegfried. And hopefully live through the week of craziness that will be fun and horrible and awesome and stressful all at the same time!

And all I want to do is write a personal essay. Or two. Or ten.

One Week Later

So I've known that I'm going to Russia for almost 1 week now. It's starting to sink in. The first few days all I could say to myself over and over again every 30 seconds was "I'm going to Russia. I'm going to Russia." And on each paper I took notes on I kept writing "Moscow, Russia." Thursday night I spent 2 hours looking at sites like this one instead of writing papers. I've calmed down a bit since then. Not much, but enough to actually function.

In other news, I'm getting over what might be the worst cold I've ever had in my life (besides that one I had junior year of high school where I, and everyone else in Jive, was sick for like 2 weeks, and I thought I would never be able to breath/talk normally/sleep/think without my head pounding again). Luckily, I only had to take one sick day, but the effects are still lingering.

Also, I am once again back to foodgawker. Tristan informed me of this delectable site during last Winter semester, but I broke the addiction because it would always make me really hungry during my long work shifts. Well, Madeline has been looking at it now, and here I am again. Tuesday night. Dinner Time. I need to stop browsing foodgawker! But here I am looking at all these pictures of beautiful food that I don't have the time, skill, or money to make and just wishing I could eat them. Like . . .

(via)

For those of you who don't know, I am in love with Macaroni and Cheese. Not from a box. But almost any homemade/restaurant mac and cheese--I adore it. I also love bacon. And I am starving. Therefore, I want to eat this RIGHT NOW. Please and thank you, library employee food delivery service? No, you don't really exist and I can't just push a button to get food at work?

. . .

Sigh.

I am hereby called to serve as a missionary in . . .

Kremlin

The Russia Moscow Mission!!!

Language: Russian

Report to the MTC: January 12, 2011

Mission President: President Stephen J. Soreson

Mission Map: Unhelpful, but looks pretty awesome. My mission is pretty small, I think, especially in comparison to Russia in general. And Moscow is the 7th largest city in the world. Please feel free to Wikipedia stalk it. And look at these pictures.

The Church of Cornelius the Saviour

Moscow

Federation Tower

I get to live here and teach the gospel here

Старейшина Айринг сказал мне, что старается представить, где эти миссионеры должны заканчивать свою миссию. Это помогало ему понять, куда их следует призвать. Затем он изучал комментарии епископов и президентов кольев, медицинские справки и другие документы, касающиеся каждого миссионера.

После этого он переходил к другому компьютеру, на экране которого отображались различные регионы и миссии по всему миру. И, в конце концов, по побуждению Духа он назначал миссионера служить в определенной миссии. (From Elder Rasband's talk about how missions are assigned. In my mission language. AHHHHH! Good choice, God via Elder Christofferson)

I get to learn how to speak that language. Oh my goodness. Not only do I have to somehow learn how to speak Russian, but PREACH THE GOSPEL in Russian. So scary. So terrifying. So awesome and wonderful and how in the world am I so blessed?

Russia . . . Watch out--I come. :)

:D

It's here. It's here. It's here. Let me tell you, opening the mailbox was an epic moment. But it's here! I can breathe again. 3 hours until I know where I'm serving, folks.

4:32 p.m.

You know, this whole sitting a computer with no patrons to help at work thing really isn't working out for me. I need to be doing something to get my mind and my hands and my fingers.

I keep having to remind myself to breathe.

30 minutes until I'm off work and on my way to the mailbox. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Monday was Columbus Day. Which means it might not come in the mail today. But I'm sure hoping it does, for both my sanity, and that of those around me. Please don't judge me. You would be freaking out too.

How about the Czech Republic? Or Connecticut?

I have no idea.

Tentatively 5 hours. I hope.

Irony

Today I was in line at Taco Bell with my brother, who was being nice and buying me food. They've started asking for your favorite Disney character now instead of your name. I told them Belle. I saw this kid who looked familiar walk up to get his food. I thought to myself, "Hey, that's the only guy in my Women's Studies class."

His favorite Disney character?

Gaston.

found on Google Images

Again

I know I just posted a few hours ago. But you know what? I am very impatient. 48 hours from now I will have the envelope in my hand and I will be waiting waiting waiting for just one more hour and then I will open it and know where I'm going. If I can wait that long.

I think this blog post right here that I wrote 7 months ago is probably the one I've linked back to the most. I wrote it the night Tracy got her mission call. When I wanted nothing else but to leave on my mission right then. So much, and yet so little, has changed since then. I definitely feel like staying here at the Y for Fall semester was one of the best choices I've ever made. I am not supposed to be on a mission right now. In January, February, whenever I get called to leave, THAT is when I'm supposed to be in the field. There are people who will be there who have been prepared just for me to share the gospel with them. But there were, and still are, definitely experiences I need to have this fall that I just didn't know about back in March. My new little sibling coming in a month, Spencer, Jen and Kate, my new coworkers this semester, the classes I'm taking right now. It's amazing how suddenly the Lord will reveal to you all these reasons for what you're doing, how only after you act upon your faith you realize why He told you to wait. Contrary to how I was feeling in March, I'm so glad that I'm here, in Provo and at BYU right now.

But one thing hasn't changed. I still hate waiting. Except now it's excited, anxious waiting and not yearning, painful waiting. Well, it's still painful. Just a happy painful. An I-can't-sleep-at-night painful. And instead of 6 months, or 2 even, it's only 2 days. 2 days. 2 day. 2 days.

Okay. I'm not blogging about my mission anymore until it actually happens. Maybe. Maybe. Okay, probably not.

My Brain

Sometimes, when you ask my sister Leah (who's 6) who told her something or where she learned it, she will answer coyly, "My brain." So here are the two things, and the only two things, running through my brain right now:

 Approximately 51 hours.
And.

Not the original Sinatra, but I actually really like this version.

3 days

It is coming. No questions about it. 72 hours from now I will have that white envelope in my hand.

The John Elton Concert Conversation

People: [Matthew Ashby] or my brother Matt, and [You] aka me

What: half facetious, partially serious, slightly edited, totally awesome conversation with Matt

Place: Hum Ref Workroom computer

Time: Approximately 4-5 p.m. on Friday, October 8, 2010

How: Facebook chat

[Matthew Ashby]
4:07pm
sup?
[You]
4:07pm
nm
[Matthew Ashby]
4:07pm
good good
[You]
4:07pm
just chillin in the library while waiting for an hour for sarah lutz
[Matthew Ashby]
4:08pm
yeah me too
[You]
4:08pm
you're waiting for sarah lutz?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:08pm
except for the waiting thing
you didn't let me finish
so how is spencer?
[You]
4:09pm
awesome
***
[Matthew Ashby]
4:10pm
are you going to divine comedy?
[You]
4:10pm
false
we've already had this conversation
[Matthew Ashby]
4:11pm
i know i was just hoping your answer had changed
[You]
4:11pm
well, if you get me a ticket for tonight, i will go
it's not like i don't want to go
[Matthew Ashby]
4:11pm
i will forsake my date for tomorrow and take you instead
[You]
4:12pm
really?
except for the fact that i don't know if i'm willing to forsake my date for tomorrow to go with you
[Matthew Ashby]
4:12pm
uh no that was a joke
do i really look like the kind of guy that would give up a date for his sister?
[You]
4:13pm
nope
do i look like the type of girl that would give up a date with my boyfriend for my brother?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:13pm
I'll just have to tell you how absolutely funny it was and make you feel really bad that you didn't get tickets
your gross
[You]
4:14pm
whatever
[Matthew Ashby]
4:14pm
sisters should not talk about these things to their brothers
***
[Matthew Ashby]
4:17pm
so its pretty awesome that paul was in sociology today huh?
[You]
4:17pm
i guess
[Matthew Ashby]
4:17pm
what i guess?!
[You]
4:17pm
it's pretty awesome that that 30 minute nap was in sociology today
[Matthew Ashby]
4:18pm
you are sinner, I would never sleep in class
[You]
4:18pm
psh
liar
[Matthew Ashby]
4:18pm
except for maybe today
and a few other classes
[You]
4:19pm
hahaha
[Matthew Ashby]
4:20pm
so what are your thoughts about seeing eye dogs?
[You]
4:21pm
warum?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:22pm
warum nicht?
[You]
4:22pm
uh...it's kinda weird that we're talking about this
but i'm fine with them?
what am i supposed to say?
i don't think they're bad
they help people
win-win
win
[Matthew Ashby]
4:23pm
that they are a horrible menace to society and that they should be abolished
[You]
4:24pm
is that what you think
[Matthew Ashby]
4:24pm
win-win-lose
the dogs are mistreated
why should they have to live their lives as somebody's eyes in forced slavery\
[You]
4:25pm
who says they aren't willing to help out?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:25pm
the dogs are on a leash!
[You]
4:26pm
because he needs to lead the human!
[Matthew Ashby]
So I was having a conversation with Brett the other day, and we were talking about our most embarrassing moments, but I don't think I have any.. What would you say?
[You]
4:27pm
I have a ht
hat
or is your name mutt
[Matthew Ashby]
4:28pm
that wasn't really that embarrassing though....
[You]
4:29pm
it's dang funny
i don't really have any embarrassing moments either
[Matthew Ashby]
4:29pm
no there has to be some time, maybe when I was really little?
[You]
4:30pm
i already gave you my two
[Matthew Ashby]
4:31pm
uhhhh, fine, that doesn't give me a whole lot to go off of
[You]
4:31pm
ok
[Matthew Ashby]
4:32pm
so i was making myself a sandwich the other day
and i realized I was out of bread, so I just ate rolled up ham and chees
cheese
it was good
[You]
4:33pm
ok
i was eating food the other day and realized that i was still hungry
so i ate more food
right now i am hangry
[Matthew Ashby]
4:34pm
me too, uhhhhh, stupid homework
did you see the new harry potter trailer?
[You]
4:36pm
nope
heard it's good
i know
don't judge
[Matthew Ashby]
4:36pm
you should watch it
[You]
4:36pm
ok
***
so are in love with EDITED?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:41pm
i don't know, I'm inclined to say no. I'm in love with this girl named EDITED
[You]
4:42pm
yeah?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:42pm
she's in my ward, she's really cool
[You]
4:42pm
are you guys going to get married?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:43pm
probably not because she's a redhead, and you know how redheads are
[You]
4:43pm
they're awesome
[Matthew Ashby]
I don't know
but she's actually really cool
[You]
4:44pm
and you're in love with her
[Matthew Ashby]
4:44pm
hopefully I'll have some good news to share with you later next week
***
[You]
4:46pm
really.
so good news = she is waiting for you on your mission and you'll come back and get married?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:47pm
no cause she's a redhead
[You]
4:47pm
ok...
why can't you marry a redhead?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:47pm
I would feel too much like harry marrying ginny
***
[You]
you can't feel like harry potter
1) no lightning bolt scar
2) no magical powers--i'd know if you'd've gone to hogwarts
3) you have never even met Lord Voldy
4) you don't have black hair or green eyes
5) your best friend doesn't have red hair, and you woulnd't be marrying his sister
[Matthew Ashby]
4:49pm
yes to the holding hands, no to the magical powers statement
[You]
4:49pm
(please don't marry lindsey)
you do not have magical powers
p.s. i am fb stalking her
[Matthew Ashby]
4:50pm
don't talk to her though
[You]
4:50pm
um. why not?
also. why would i?
i'm not going to add her as a friend. unless i actually meet her in real life
that'd be creepy otherwise
[Matthew Ashby]
4:51pm
good, as long as you follow the unwritten facebook stalking code
[You]
4:52pm
of course
you can't tell me that you haven't fb stalked people
[Matthew Ashby]
4:53pm
i have, but i follow the code
[You]
4:53pm
of course
[Matthew Ashby]
4:55pm
so yeah
[You]
4:55pm
cool
you didn't answer all my questiosn though
[Matthew Ashby]
4:55pm
which one?
[You]
4:55pm
and what's her major? she's from idaho, i see. what are her life ambitions?
hoping to be officially dating next week?
she is your date this weekend, i'm assuming?
those are the questions you didn't answer
would i like her? is she funny? does she play rook and settlers?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:56pm
She works at the paleontology museum
hopefully to #1
yes#2
She wants to be a music director
[You]
4:57pm
so...she works with dinosaur bones. that's cool. and she's a music major?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:57pm
she's fun
yes
[You]
4:58pm
cool cool
when do i get to meet her?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:58pm
Not until after the fact
[You]
4:58pm
can we double sometime if the fact happens?
[Matthew Ashby]
4:58pm
sure, that would be cool
[You]
4:58pm
k i think that would be cool too
but i need to go now
we will talk more later.
auf wiedersehen
[Matthew Ashby]
4:59pm
ok we will indeed have to talk later